Chapter 17

Sila unties her hair from a tight bun and messes it up until she's satisfied. She thinks about kicking the door before leaving but decides against it, instead punching the wall on her way down the stairs. She feels like she's ready to pick a fight with anyone just to let off steam. As she's certain no one'd actually tangle with her she starts digging the nearest trash can and crushes all the empty cans that she finds with her bare hands.

After going through nine cans and three bottles she picks them up from the ground and throws them back into the trash can before the police arrest her for littering. She messes up her hair for the second time and sighs, eventually quieting down. She sits on the stoning on the side of the road. 'I guess I need to switch my tactic. If appearing weak or aggressive won't work, what will?', she thinks to herself, 'That liar thinks I'm an idiot. I know that he has a woman, his assistant, there's no way he's gay.'

She pulls a knife out of her pocket and cuts her arm twice below the scars that she already has. She twitches as the blade passes through her skin. 'Fine. Let's see about who can please him better. I won't lose to likes of her.'

She feels calm as she watches the drops of blood forming different patterns on the concrete. Once the flow dries up she takes two wide bracelets from her pocket to hide the scars. She feels slightly dizzy as she gets up but she doesn't let it stop her. She jogs to the nearest tram stop and once the tram arrives she takes it home.

As she opens the front door she calls out for Thomas and Linnea, growing worried as she gets no response. She checks the kitchen and the bathroom, eventually finding the two in her bedroom. She sneaks in to check what they're doing, doing her best not to get noticed. She notices that her closet is open wide and some of her shirts and dresses laid on her bed. As she taps Linnea and Thomas' shoulders they tense and turn towards her.

"If you want to try on my clothes, ask. It's not very nice to raid other people's closets", she tells them with a slight smile.

"We're sorry! We were just curious!", Linnea shouts nervously, and the two of them lay their heads down.

Sila starts laughing and takes two steps back to avoid falling down, "You're so formal, oh my god!".

"Of course Bel didn't get you any spare clothes, I should've known. Take whatever you want". She wipes the tears from her eyes, "Remind me to take you shopping later".

The twins' faces light up. They start trying out the clothes on the bed, causing Sila to burst into laughter again. They completely stop paying attention to her.

Sila holds her stomach as she walks out of the room, her face completely red. She sits on her sofa and grabs her knife which is still covered in red stains. 'I'm out of space on my arm, huh', she thinks to herself. She pulls up her black shirt and makes a light cut on her stomach.

'Yeah. This'll do.'

After a couple of cuts she pulls her shirt back down, feeling it sticking to the wounds. She wobbles to the kitchen and puts the knife in the washing machine along some dirty dishes that have been piling up. She takes deep breath, trying to get back to her senses as she starts feeling dizzy again. She walks slowly back into her bedroom.

"I didn't even remember I had that shirt", she tells Linnea who turns around in a loose, grey t-shirt that reveals the shoulders.

"These clothes are so pretty!", Linnea yells, bubbling with joy.

"And look at that, you even put your hair up".

Linnea smiles in response.

"Can we keep these?", Thomas asks, wearing a simple navy blue shirt and a leather jacket.

"Sure, I guess they suit you better anyway".

"Don't say that, mother". His face turns slightly gloomy.

"You called me mother, huh. That makes me glad". Sila smiles the best she can, despite feeling like she could faint at any moment. "We should go soon, to catch the train".

The twins nod and start putting the rest of the clothes neatly back into the closet.

Sila walks to the platform next to her door and sits down. She checks that the cut on her stomach has stopped bleeding and sighs in relief. She checks the wrappings on her legs and tightens them until she's satisfied.

"Let's go", she tells the twins once they come to the door, "as far as I know the train leaves in thirty minutes and it takes twenty to get to the station".

"Okay!". Linnea feels excited about the trip. She can't wait until she sees new places, new people and animals. They put their shoes on and leave the house, making their way to the nearest taxi stop.